I am a diagnosed sociopath. I have no guilt, empathy, or remorse, and I don’t understand why that is considered a bad thing.
Apparently having empathy automatically makes you a good person. But I do not agree. I believe that empaths have very selective empathy and that it can be used against you in a number of ways.
I have cognitive empathy; I know exactly what you’re going through, and I think that’s enough. I don’t need to take on your emotional burden.
By social standards, I can be an evil person; I don’t do things the right way, and I don’t necessarily care about a lot of people. I care about the ones closest to me, but everyone else, if they get in my way, I’ll take them out.
And I don’t care what society has to say about it.
I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) at the age of 21, but had been a huge threat throughout my childhood.
She had a significant history of truancy, violent behavior, pathological lying, bullying, and insensitivity before the age of 15, leading to the diagnosis of conduct disorder, a precursor to ASPD.
After high school, I learned to manipulate in a much more subtle way, and while I still lacked affective empathy, guilt, remorse, and probably conscience, I had created a mask to hide my ASPD.
My personality was kind, charitable, and above all, charismatic.
When I was officially diagnosed, I didn’t go to the psychiatrist’s office willingly. He had tried to take my life and was suffering from crippling depression.
I was offered the opportunity to be placed in a psychiatric facility or to see a psychiatrist on an outpatient basis; obviously, I chose the latter.
My psychiatrist was able to see through the pathological lies and tried to change my thinking, but I can outright say that I was cruel to people who tried to go against me or those close to me.
My lack of conscience allowed me to be a kleptomaniac; not that it was necessary, it was just an emotion. He was cold on the inside but incredibly magnetic on the outside.
I was a social chameleon and I did well in student politics because I could become anyone people wanted me to be or anyone that would make me successful.
I believe that I am a product of nature and nurture. My family is full of people who, in my opinion, could easily be diagnosed with ASPD or called psychopaths outright. I also grew up surrounded by people with a history of domestic violence and sexual assault.
I experienced the same thing myself, when I was in my early 20s. As cunning as I was, I was outmatched, and what angers me the most is the loss of control.
As a child, I was not allowed to show emotions and I struggled to connect with people naturally from an early age; it was all pretty forced on my part. I didn’t know what made people want to be friends with each other, so I imitated the successful behavior.
I’ve seen people crying in the street and it doesn’t do anything to me. I feel absolutely nothing. In my eyes, it just doesn’t concern me. Not my problem.
While I don’t mind the random people I see on the street, I do my fair share of philanthropy, and not because society tells me to.
I have a certain variety of causes that really matter to me, including women’s rights and shelters for those who have experienced sexual assault and domestic violence, so I donate to those charities.
No one supported me when I was raped, and even though the police wanted to sue her, many people called me a liar. I have compassion for women and gay men who have experienced what I have, and I try to support others in that situation.
I also created a website, called Cinderella’s Revenge, to serve as a support system for those who have experienced toxic people and have no one else.
But random homeless people, I really don’t care. On a scale of one to Patrick Bateman, it’s probably a seven.
No, I’m not going to murder anyone, but I do believe that guilt is a control mechanism that people use to punish you for doing things that benefit them. I think it’s a very toxic and unnecessary emotion.
I don’t feel guilty. In fact, I have never once felt guilty in my life for anything I have done. It is a strange experience for me.
But judging by the way other people explain it to me, why would anyone want to feel that? Why would anyone think that this is a healthy emotion to feel?
I don’t need guilt to force me to be nice. However, it also doesn’t stop me from backstabbing the people I need to get ahead. I think this gives me an advantage in life that other people don’t have.
The element of my personality disorder that most people find most surprising is that I don’t have any empathy for myself either. I have no empathy for my future self, or my past self.
For me, what has happened in the past is gone. does not exist. Similarly, what is coming in the future does not worry me, so I do not feel anxiety. It does not mean that I cannot think about the future, I just do not attach any emotions to it.
Remorse is another emotion that I feel is completely useless and provides no substance to society. When I think about things I’ve done that weren’t necessarily good, I don’t care. I have no emotions that link me to that memory.
Once something has been done, it is not going to be undone because you feel bad about it. I see people who have bought something they shouldn’t have, or have gone out and cheated on their partner, and when they realize it was a bad decision, they are filled with remorse.
Yes, it was a bad decision, but what are you going to do about it? You are going to insist on it, but is that going to help you? Is that going to help anyone? Absolutely not. What is the point of this?
In my opinion, having a lack of empathy, guilt, and remorse has made me a very successful person in life.
I have accomplished things that I would never have accomplished if I cared about the impact I had on other people. I would not have taken such wild risks, but I achieved incredible results.
So tell me, do you still want to have empathy?
Kanika Batra is an Australian-based model, author and content creator. You can follow her on Instagram @kanikabatra.
All opinions expressed in this article are those of the author.
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