Let’s Play Portal 2 Ep. 1: Mandatory Physical and Mental Wellness Exercise


>>Oh! Hello, Internet people. My name is
Ryan. Today we are playing Portal 2. I am very excited about the fact that we are
playing Portal 2 today.>>Good morning. You have been in suspension
for- 50- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations all testing candidates
in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Centre must be revived periodically for a
mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.>>OK.
>>You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [loud buzzer] Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear
the buzzer, look down at the floor. [loud buzzer] Good. This completes the gymnastic portion
of the mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise. There is a framed painting on the wall. Please
go stand in front of it. This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When
you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [loud buzzer]>>OK.>>You should now feel mentally reinvigorated.
If you suspected staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect
briefly on this classical music. [classical music]
>>Oh, this is lovely! [loud buzzer] Aah.
>>Good. Now please return to your bed.>>OK.>>Good morning. You have been in suspension
for- nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nin- This courtesy…>>[knock] Hello? Anyone in there? [knocking]>>…test subject should vacate the Enrichment
Centre immediately…>>Aah! Oh god! You look terr… um, good.
Looking good actually.>>Um.
>>Are you OK? Are you… don’t answer that. I’m actually sure you’re fine. There’s plenty
of time for you to recover. Just take your…>>Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
>>Stay calm! Stay calm, “Prepare.” It’s all it’s saying. “Prepare.” It’s all fine, alright? Don’t move. I’m going to get us out of here. Oh, you might want to hang onto something.
Word of advice. Up to you.>>What. Aah! Oh god, everything’s shifting.>>All right down there? Can you hear me?>>I’m very distressed right now.>>Most test subjects do experience some cognitive
deterioration after some months in suspension. Now you’ve been under for quite a lot longer
and it’s not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain
damage.>>What.
>>But don’t be alarmed, alright? But if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling
because that is the proper reaction to being told that you’ve got brain damage. Do you
understand what I’m saying at all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me. Just
say yes.>>Yes.
>>OK. What you’re doing there is jumping.>>[laughs]
>>But nevermind. Say “apple.” “Apple.” OK, you know what? That’s close enough. Just
hold tight.>>[laughs]
>>All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.>>What? No! No!
>>I wasn’t going to mention this to you but I’m pretty hot water here.>>Um.
>>How are you doing down there? Are you holding on?>>I’m uh…
>>The reserve power ran out so of course the whole Relaxation Centre starts waking
up the bloody test subjects. Hold on! This is a bit tricky. …And of course nobody tells me anything.
No! Why should you tell me anything? Why should I be kept informed about, you know, the life
functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I’m supposed to be in charge of?>>What? Ten thousand?
>>It’s close. Can you see anything? Can I make it through? Do I got enough space?>>No. No, you cannot!
>>Just got to get through here…>>You can’t, no!
>>I just got to concentrate.>>This is a bad…
>>Whose head do you think it’s going to be when the management comes down here and finds
ten thousand flipping vegetables?>>This is very bad!
>>No, I hit that one. I hit that one.>>You are doing a very bad job!>>OK, listen. We should get out of storage
straight. Alright, if anyone asks and no one’s going to ask, don’t worry, but if anyone asks
tell them as far as you know the last time you checked everyone looked pretty much alive.
Alright? Not dead. OK, almost there. On the other side of that
wall is one of the old testing tracks. There’s a piece of equipment in there that we’re going
to need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready.>>OK. Oh no. Oh god!>>Good news. That is not a docking station.
So there’s one mystery solved. I’m going to attempt a manual override on
this wall. Could get a bit technical. Hold on.>>Oh no. Oh n…
>>Almost there.>>I would like in this bathroom please!
>>In there’s a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes. But… Don’t worry, you’ll figure
it out. Seriously do hold on this time.>>Oh Jesus Christ!
>>Oh, there we go. Now I’ll be honest. You are probably in no fit state to run this particular
type of cognitive gauntlet but… at least you’re a good jumper so you’ve got that. You’ve
got the jumping on your side. Um, just do your best and I’ll meet you up ahead.>>OK.>>Alright, off you go.
>>Goodbye. I don’t know who you are.>>Go on, just march on through that hole.>>I don’t want to stand on that glass.
>>No, just go ahead… go ahead. Good luck!>>Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture
Science Computer Science Enrichment Centre. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties
under circumstances of potentially apocolyptic significance beyond our control. However,
thanks to emergency testing protocols, testing can continue. These testing prerecorded messages
will provide instructional and motivational support so that testing can still be done
even in the event of environmental, social, economic or structural collapse. The portal
will open and emergency testing will begin in 3… 2… 1.>>Ooh. This looks very… familiar. This
is… this is excellent. This is so excellent. I
am so pleased at these events right now.>>Cube and button based testing remains an
important tool for science, even in dire emergency. If cube and button based testing caused this
emergency, don’t worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim. You have just passed
through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill which vapourises most Aperture Science
equipment that touches it.>>Wow. What an intro. My god.>>If you feel liquid running down your neck,
relax, lay on your back and apply immediate pressure to your temples. You are simply experiencing
a rare reaction in which the material emancipation grill may have emancipated the eartubes inside
your head.>>Er, what? But I thought it only removed
my fillings and teeth. Or is that the button? That might be the button. This puzzle appears to be new. Huh. So then I want… Oh no, I want to push this button. I swear, Internet people, I’m not retarded
today. Or most days. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m retarded most days. Woop. Woop.>>Good. Because of the technical difficulties
we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised. Before reentering a relaxation
vault at the conclusion of testing please take a moment to write down the results of
your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview
when society has been rebuilt.>>OK. I’ll take your word for it.>>If the Earth is currently governed by a
manner of animal king, sentient cloud or other governing body that either refuses to or is
incapable of listening to reaso…>>Then what? Then what!? I really need to
know what to do because this seems like an entirely realistic happening in this game
world! Nothing over there. Can I just jump through this? No I can’t.>>Hey hey! You made it!>>Yes.
>>There should be a portal device on that podium over there. I can’t… Oh!
>>Ohh!>>Hello? Can you see the portal gun?
>>There wasn’t a portal gun.>>Are you still alive? That’s important.
I should have asked that first. Do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going
to work on the assumption that you’re still alive and I’m just going to wait for you up
ahead. I’ll wait one hour then I’ll come back and assuming I can locate your dead body,
I’ll bury you. Alright? Brilliant.>>Thank you. He’s so kind.
>>See you in an hour, hopefully.>>Oh, there’s the portal gun. Oh god. It’s the plot of Portal I guess. Um… Yeah, that’s… this is summin’ it up pretty
nicely. Got to say. Gosh, that is a beautiful rendition. An absolutely
beautiful rendition. Woop. Wonderful. So how do I get out of here? Do I want to
get out of here. Oh my god! I totally have this copier at work. Is it showing me…? Oh, that’s neat. It’s
showing me where the old portals are. That’s cool.>>Some emergency testing may require prolonged
interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids
have been taught to read and have been provided with one copy of the laws of robotics to share.
Good. If you feel that the lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed
by the laws of robotics, please note it on your self reporting form. A future Aperture
Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance filing paperwork.>>Killer. Ooh. You know what, Internet people? I think
that’s a good little taste for today. Oh god. Oh god. I’m just going to watch this until tomorrow
when the next episode happens. Over and over again. Over… and over again…

14 Replies to “Let’s Play Portal 2 Ep. 1: Mandatory Physical and Mental Wellness Exercise”

  1. Nice let's play. The voice of you little companion is Steve Merchant, the guy who does that show with Ricky Gervais. He is actually just playing himself from the sound of it witch should be awesome.

  2. @zone88mph Nope, not Ricky Gervais. Stephen Merchant. They work together, and they've created shows like The Office and Extras.

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